Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Tinder Confessions

 I've long since given up on Tinder as a legitimate dating app. Come on guys, we all know why people still use it. Which is why I have zero problem letting my friends take over my Tinder for a night. Or why I log in simply to swipe and screenshot. Because yes, if I come across you and I know you, you bet your ass I've taken a screenshot and sent it to everyone we know. 
Since I have no intention of using the app to find a boyfriend or a hookup, I'm picky as all hell. Left swipes are about 95% more likely than right swipes. Want to know how I decide which way to swipe? Well you're in luck because I have a list. Here goes:
  1.  If you're holding a fish, I swipe left. 
  2.  If you're in a group picture, I swipe left. Sorry, but chances are you're the ugly one. 
  3.  If you're holding a child, I swipe left. How do I know if it's yours? I don't. Bye.
  4.  If your picture was taken in a mirror, you guessed it, I swipe left. 
  5. If you're not wearing a shirt and you don't have the body of Thor, I swipe left. 
  6.  If you have an eyebrow piercing, I swipe left. 
  7. If you're in a picture with a girl, I swipe left.
  8. If you're playing an acoustic guitar, I swipe left. 
  9. If you're skateboarding, I swipe left. 
  10. If I know you, and we're actually friends, I swipe left. 
  11. On the contrary, if I know you and we've dated or we're not that close, I swipe right solely to see if you've swiped right on me. 
  12. If you're in the club, I swipe left. 
  13. If your profile contains the term "Tinderella", I swipe left. 
  14. If you have a sexy man bun and beard, AUTO SWIPE RIGHT. 
  15. If I think you have a stupid name, I swipe left.
  16. If you're posing with a tiger, I swipe left.
  17. If you have bad teeth, I swipe left. 
  18. If you're a hipster, I swipe left. 
  19. If you have a witty tagline, I'll swipe right, but only if it makes me chuckle. 
  20. If you're holding a cat, BYE. I hate cats. 
Notable mentions: I will unmatch you faster than a girl untagging unflattering Facebook pictures the morning after a drunken night if you think this will work. 

Ew...

Side note: One of my favorite things is guys who just don't stop trying. Exhibits A, B, & C below. 


Really?

No one smiles that much...


Tinder is ridiculous. I don't think there's any other way to put it. But hey, at least it's fun...

Now time to link up your confessions!

 Making Melissa 

<a href="http://www.making-melissa.blogspot.ca"
target="_self"><img src="http://i1291.photobucket.com/albums/b558/waitingonsunshine/humpday2_zps9bc00284.png" alt="Making Melissa" width="125" height="125" /></a>

13 comments

  1. I need eye bleach. And mind bleach. People are unsettling sometimes.

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  2. I need to get back on Tinder just for the entertainment value. POF is far less amusing these days! Love the persistent ones, just keep trying guys!!

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  3. Tinder seems highly amusing! Some of your swipe left reasons are amazing -- bet even better are the two swipe right reasons ;) Happy Wednesday!

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  4. Tinder...sounds horrible. But maybe worth it for a funny blog post :)

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  5. I haven't tired Tinder but I just got off of Ok Cupid, which was horrible. Most of the messages I got were just like the ones you got above. Online dating is just horrible.

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  6. Hahaha this list is awesome! Posing with a tiger! This happens often?

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  7. sweet baby jesus Tinder scares me.

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  8. Come to Portland, we have beards and man buns here! Oh, and me too!

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  9. Tinder sounds like it's an amusing place.

    And posing with a tiger? What now?

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  10. So I've never used Tinder- is it bad now?! What's a Tinderella? And do you really see that many men with tigers?! Because I think that might be an auto-swipe right for me- can handle wild animals. What's not to like?! I can't handle how horrible those spellings are-- for real, BYE.

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  11. BAHAHAHAH! One of my girlfriends has a tinder and we totally take over her account whenever we see her. I've always wondered about the group photos/pics with a girl, too! WTF?!

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  12. I cannot stop laughing. Tinderella - what the hell is that even?! Lol.

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