Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Dating Story: The Vagician

Today we're dipping into dating stories. One of my favorite bloggers, Alyssa, has kindly provided us with a magical story of a summer fling. Almost all of us can say we've experienced a whirlwind summer romance at some point in our lives. Alyssa sheds some light on her experience and why it didn't work out. Also, just to add, Alyssa has never referred to him as a vagician but I saw the opportunity and couldn't pass it up. 

Alyssa vs. the Vagician Magician 

We all have that one relationship story — a spectacularly bad date, a clingy ex maybe — that makes people go, "Wait, what!?" when we talk about it. For me, though I have many head-scratchers and WTF-ers in my dating backlog, there's one dating story that clearly beats out all the rest: The magician.

My story begins back in the late winter of 2008, just before my 19th birthday, at a St. Paddy's Day party in the dorm apartment of my upper-class friend. This was back in the age where I was (sorry to admit it) a smoker, and our action begins when I pulled on my jacket and grabbed a cigarette to step outside with a few friends. This sandy, curly-haired, devastatingly blue-eyed guy came up to me and asked for an extra. It was always my policy to share, so I said sure thing and passed him a butt. He promised he would earn it — for those who don't smoke, it's common to have strangers offer a dollar in exchange for a spare cigarette. I said it was no sweat, but he was intent on singing for his supper: "If you give me a cigarette, I'll show you a magic trick."

Now, to be clear, I was already going to give it to him. I think he was really just looking for a way to tell me he was a magician, and I'm absolutely certain he used this line on plenty of girl before and since me, but whatever. I was 18, and he was heartbreakingly handsome. Woof. So downstairs to the front doors of Williams Hall we went.

Cut to me, entranced as he delivered on his promise, pulling all sorts of sleight of hand jazz with a lit cigarette — honestly, it was impressive. I'd never seen any of that David Blaine-level business in real life, and definitely not from a guy who had just put his hand on the small of my back.

I can't remember the details of the rest of that night — who asked for whose number, who initiated the next contact — but the whole thing set off a storybook summer fling. We hung out in his dorm and watched Lars and the Real Girl, and he showed me card tricks. We hung out in the city and (SWEAR TO GOD) he sketched (yes, he was a magician and an artist...) while I read from a copy of Twelfth Night we'd just grabbed from a little used bookstore, perched on a boulder in Central Park. He took me home to meet his friends. He came to a party my older brother and I threw and astounded my brother's 20-something friends with card tricks and sleight of hand. He rolled me a rose from a napkin in the Freeman Hall cafeteria. He and the Magic Club (of which he was the president and 50% of the membership) put on a charity event (to a surprisingly impressive audience) in which I had to/got to be The Lovely Assistant and had to participate in a magic trick I had never seen before, let alone rehearsed with him, and I nearly cried on stage in front of a whole bunch of people. (The trick involved nails.) It was really a splendid time for all.

It was one of those relationships comprised entirely of song lyrics and movie scenes. The band he loved became a soundtrack to our trysts and adventures. We spoke to each other in the words of favorite musicians because, in truth, we didn't have all that much else to say to each other. We had experiences with each other that, until then, I'd only seen on screens. He was adventurous and daring and passionate and lived on the edge of reason. At first I was taken with all of it, until one afternoon when I finally went to introduce him to my best friend.

It was an interesting thing that they'd yet to meet, seeing as they actually lived across the hall from each other. But one afternoon between classes, B and I walked across the hall and tapped on the Magician's door. He didn't have anywhere to be for a few hours, and he let us in and started showing my girl some of my favorite card tricks. Except he was absolutely hammered at 2 in the afternoon on that Tuesday, so he was spilling cards all over the floor as he did it. Mind, he still nailed the tricks.

But after that day I started to take a little bit more notice to how (and why) he never sat still, why it always felt like we were going on an adventure, and then I realized one of the Magician's secrets.

At the same time that I was sobering to the realization that I'd never been with him in a situation where he wasn't drinking, it was becoming exceptionally clear that we had next to nothing in common. The place we connected most was in near silence behind closed doors, and I never really felt like I could talk to him. (In case you don't know me, here's a fun fact: I'm a biiiig talker. SHOCKING, I'm sure.) Sure, I spent hours talking about him... but that's not really the same thing.  Our interest in each other, and my ability to tolerate a drunk and flakey, albeit beautiful, boo was fading as fast as the summer sun.

Just before the rest of the school returned for fall term and my sophomore year commenced, I did the only thing there was to do. In the words of my friend Steve, who was beyond captivated by the fact that I was being courted by a magician, as The Lovely Assistant, I pulled my best trick yet and I made him disappear.

We never talked again after that. Shortly after, I defriended him on Facebook and took the long way around some places on campus I knew he'd hang out. There wasn't much more to it than that. We never crossed paths before that party, and maybe just once or twice after we called it quits. I heard through the grape vine that he'd went on to grad school. I went on to greener pastures, too, and so it goes. It ended up being one of the most effortless relationships I'd ever had, in hindsight. But the best part is the part where I came out of it with a showstopper whenever the topic of WTF relationships come up: "Did I ever tell you about the time I dated a magician?"

Liked what you read? Go give Alyssa some love. Girl has some of the best posts on the interwebs. You can find her at the following:


  1. oh my goodness! hilarious. this has to be the best relationship story i've ever read. i definitely don't have anything this good to share.

  2. Thank you so much for having me today! And for using the term "vagician." You're awesome.

  3. " I pulled my best trick yet and I made him disappear." I saw it coming and yet I still LOL's. This story is both amusing and captivating. Love Alyssa!!!!

  4. Hahah I loved reading this Alyssa- I felt like I could picture the entire thing!