Wednesday, December 3, 2014

7 Ways To Fight Fair With Your Significant Other

I posted this a couple weeks ago, but I meant for it to be part of this week. WHOOPS. Don't hate. 

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about fighting. There's no way you can spend large amounts of time with someone and not get annoyed or frustrated with them. It's natural, it happens, we're human. But the key is to not let that get out of hand. There are ways to make sure that if you fight it's not malicious and it actually solves a problem without creating another one. 


1. Take A Deep Breath

Bite your tongue and count to 10 while breathing in deeply. Refocus before you say something you regret or the other person doesn't deserve.

2. Walk Away

Sometimes if it gets too heated, there is nothing wrong with simply walking out the room. Take five minutes to compose yourself. Yelling won't get you anywhere and neither will being petty, like name calling. 

3. Use phrases like "I feel.." "I'm concerned because..."

By not placing all the onus of the argument on the other person, they don't feel the need to get as defensive. By simply explaining that "I feel this way" you're not saying "YOU make me feel this way" and it might be easier to resolve the issue. It lets the other person know that you're not just throwing all the blame on them and maybe it's a combination of things affecting you. 

4. Listen 

There are always two sides to every story.  Take a second to listen to what they have to say and you may be able to come to a compromise. For example, he just can never put his laundry away. If he hates folding the laundry that much, why not ask him to do something else in return for you putting away his laundry? 

5. Hit Pause

This tip comes from my friend Andrew. He says when him and his significant other fight, if they feel it getting too heated one of them says "Pause". They take a break to say something nice to one another or change the subject briefly before going back to the topic at hand. Sometimes you just need to step away from the heat of the moment before you say something you don't mean. 

6. Don't Go To Bed Angry

The cliché to end all clichés but Andrew swears by it. By making it a rule they both follow, Andrew says, "No matter how bad the fight is, you know in the back of your mind that you are still both following the rules, which means you both care about resolving it. If Cam went to bed mad it would mean he was over the rules and I would know it was really bad.

So why not make a rule with your partner? It doesn't have to be the same, but something that you can both respect when the intensity starts to run too high. 

7. Forgive & Forget

If you have fought about something in the past, or they have hurt you and you decided to forgive them, it's not fair to keep throwing it in their face every time you fight. If you make the conscious decision to forgive the person, that means you're willing to let it go. No one likes to drag up the past and it's not fair to hold it over their heads forever. 


What are your ways of fighting fair? How do you keep your relationship healthy?

7 comments

  1. ohhh pause is what lilly and marshall do on how i met your mother!

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  2. These are some great tips, and I agree with Brooke on the pause too! Haha!

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  3. You should do another relationship week! Or is that off limits now?

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  4. the "pause" thing made me think of HIMYM too haha :) I can't weigh in on this because I'm single as the day is long but maybe one day before I die I won't be and will need healthy relationship fighting tips, so thanks in advance, I hope

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  5. Love it! My boyfriend's sister and I got into a fight over the weekend and consequently he was mad at both of us.. We talked about it and now we just forgot it (Until the next time I see her, ha!)

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  6. I feel the same way about not going to bed angry. It does sound cliche but for me... my dad died in his sleep. My parents went to bed happy... but what if they hadn't?! I can't imagine that happening and the guilt I would feel if the last things I said were ugly words.

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  7. i dont believe in the whole dont go to bed angry. sometimes you're so heated that a good night sleep will help clear your head and the both parties will wake up realizing that the guy was a moron to begin with!! :D

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