Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Now Hear My Confession

On a completely non-humpday related topic, I was going through the Thesaurus with a co-worker just now for work related things, and we came across the term "in the pink" and I snorted and almost spit out my coffee. Once again proving I will probably never mature and will always be twelve years old. 

Continuing on with today's post, as you probably already know by now, it's confession day. I decided to confess a couple of things that might make me look like a bad/gross human but that probably should just be noted. So without further ado...

I Confess...

...I pick my nose while driving. It has to be done because I always forget to put a Kleenex box in my car and I can feel those little suckers clinging on and flapping in the air and they need to come out. You know what I'm talking about, those super dry, flaky ones that won't gtfo of your nose. 

...I can be a scary good liar when I need to be. Sometimes I find myself lying even when I don't need to be because it's almost second nature to spew stories. I'm working on it. 

...If someone had a gun to my head and said I had to shoot the person in front of me or they would kill me, I honestly believe I would do it. And I know I can't say definitively what I would do until I was in the situation, and the proper answer people are looking for is that "no I could never", but I'm sorry it's basic human nature to stay alive.

...I always turn around and look at my poop when I'm done. I need to know what just came out of my body. And then I almost always text Andrea or Jamie or Anna with the details of the size/shape. 

...I'm allergic to pants. I walk around my house without pants more than is normal but I don't care because eff pants. 

...When I have a crush on someone I will go so far out of my way to make sure no one else can have them until they notice me and forget about other ladies. I'm so passive-aggressive that the guy doesn't even know I'm sabotaging and cock-blocking him right, left and center.  

...I don't clean the earwax off my headphones to prevent other a-holes from using them. 

This is probably enough for today since you all probably think I'm a disgusting human being. Have a good Wednesday and come back tomorrow to hear this week's podcast!


  1. i think it's always good to look at poop because the color and consistency tells you about how healthy you are. speaking of poop, my 5yr old crapped the BIGGEST turd i have ever seen. not ever seen in a 5yr but EVER SEEN. i swear, it was the same size and shape of a kielbasa sausage NO FUCKING JOKE. how is that even physically possible?!

    thanks for linking up!
    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

  2. oh good lord. Way to put it all out there!

  3. This was epic and I someday hope to be this brave. Why no poo photos? Is that taking this relationship too far? <3 No worry - I'll check up on you when you're living at my house in July!

  4. i used to work for a rental car company. it's impressive where people will put their boogers. also i am dying over kathy's comment.

  5. Hey Melissa! Oh my gosh I am such a cock block! I'm in a relationship now but when I have my mind set on someone it was on my friend it was on! lol! ;P xoxo


  6. baha, I love your confession about the crushes! I totally did that in high school and ended up winning over my now husband. Great stuff, and I'm not sorry. haha.

  7. Car booger picking is a must. Sometimes those dry suckers aren't dry at all once you get the rest of it hahaha

  8. Hahah so many good confessions this week. I am guilty of the poop one for sure and the lying. I am good at lying especially to save my own ass!

  9. hahaha these are all to awesome, guilty of the first one, oops!

  10. I don't know if I could kill someone I knew but maybe a stranger...

  11. I alllllways look at my poop. I get PISSED when it's a ghost poop that sneaks down the pipes before I get a chance. RUDE!