Thursday, April 24, 2014

Inner Monologue of a First Date

It's very rare I go on dates. VERY. So when someone asks me out, I tend to say yes. Mostly because it means free stuff but also a little bit because I need to put on pants and interact with society once in awhile. Normally, I have pretty low expectations because experience has taught me that most first dates are actual torture. So when someone asked me to go out on Tuesday night, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. The following is what went through my head throughout our date. I'll let you see how it went from here.

I hate all my clothes. To the mall I go. 

Okay, $50 later but I look really cute so it's okay. 

Hmm, it's just coffee, so I'm going to make it a subtle eye shadow kind of night paired with a red lip.
Shit, this lipstick is more on the orange side but I have no time to start over, I'm late!

I got here early. What is wrong with my clocks? I'll just sit in my car and wait til he gets here. 

Is that him? I think that's him walking up to the door. I guess I'll get out of my car now. 

Do I call out to him or just awkwardly follow him inside until he notices me?

Oh he noticed me. 

He paid. Awesome. Winner. 

Where do I want to sit? Should we sit behind this shelf in case someone I know walks in? Will that be obvious? I need to be close to the door though for an escape route.

Oh okay, he's pretty cute actually. 

His humor transfers well from texting. This could go somewhere. 

Is my lipstick smearing? *awkwardly pretends to cover mouth while yawning while secretly wiping around my mouth to get rid of any potential lipstick stains*

Shit wait what did he just say? Was that a question? Why is he staring at me expectantly? I got lost in my lipstick check!

Quick say something funny!

Seriously though why does he have to be so cute? I didn't expect this date to be anything but free coffee...

Was that his leg? Did he just brush his leg against mine on purpose? Is it just because he's tall and has long legs? No that was definitely on purpose because he left it there. BE COOL. 

GOD DAMMIT I missed what he said again! 

Oh my cup is empty. I'm sucking air and ice. Did he notice me do that? I hope he didn't notice that.

Look at those dimples; those are so cute. How did I not notice that right away?

Am I even speaking English? What the fuck kind of story am I telling. STOP talking Melissa.  

Starbucks is kicking us out? What time is it? How long have we been here?

Omg he's walking me to my car. Does this mean...? BUT DO I HAVE LIPSTICK SMEARED ON MY FACE?!

He's just awkwardly staring at me. Is he going to kiss me? Is that what's about to happen? Should I step closer? 

I'm just gonna start opening my car door..

He's turning around, I guess not. 

Oh, nope he's back. 

Did you really just tell him, out loud, not in your head, to just go for it? Your life is not a movie stop trying to make things happen!


Did I pull away too quickly? Why am I always such an awkward person. STOP SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. 

Will I ever hear from him again? Should I text him thank you? 

Dating is hard. 
(PS Linking with Tracey!)


  1. Aw you're adorable. I generally spend an entire date worrying that the guy is going to touch me and/or when I'll be able to go home and eat more.

  2. hahaha nailed it. I haven't been on a first day in a while but I remember the anxiety well!

  3. Haha I think that is what goes through most peoples heads on dates. I was so awkward too. It is amazing that I ever got a second date. I so do not miss dating. Getting free stuff was always fun though....but sometimes it wasn't worth it! I had had some doozies!

  4. YEP. I tend to word vomit and then completely black out on what I just said...does that qualify as endearing? Sounds like he's diggin' your style though!

  5. This is awesome and I was so guilty of ALL of these things while dating. Although I never wore nice lipstick. I'm too clutzy for that. I would likely have it on my teeth the entire date.

  6. This is too cute. I can't wait to hear what happens next!

  7. BE COOL, Melissa. BE COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! annnnnd we got a kiss from dimple boys. haller.

  8. Be Cool... hahaha this was absolutely fabulous!!!!!

  9. LIVE BLOGGING FOR THE WIN! <3 great job dear. Play it cool!

  10. me most days. hi. ugh dating cant wait to hear about this i hope he called you!

  11. DID YOU REALLY TELL HIM TO GO FOR IT?! You are my hero.

  12. I've never been on a real live date with somebody I didn't know. Now I know what it's like. But great job! Have you guys talked since??

  13. haha dating stinks. But this story is awesome! what happened after that?! And did you really say "just go for it"?!

  14. "BE COOL." Bwahahaahahahhahahahaha!
    I would like to see more of these! :)

  15. hahahaha I love this! Reminds me of a video I saw called "what goes through a guy's mind on the first date".
    Do you think there will be a second date?!

  16. Hey Melissa!! I love that, that's thee perfect example of a first date and I love it!! I'm so happy it worked out for you my dear, he sounds like a pretty cool guy!! ;) And thank you again for swapping with me, i'm going to have more buttons designed so it can fit multiple styles of blogs!! ;) Have a lovely day Melissa and talk very soon! <33333


  17. haha this is the funniest but most honest post I've read all day. I'm glad he kissed you :)

  18. Haha this is so funny and so true! I loved reading this. Glad it all worked out well with this date :)

  19. I love this post! I haven't been on a first date in a very long time, but I remember all of those thoughts when John and I first got together! Sounds like the date went well :D

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  21. I really hope you did a little "he kissed me" dance when you got home like they do in the movies ;)

    Ohhhh dimps <3