Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What Day Is It?

So I went to Las Vegas over the weekend with my family. We stayed here:

It was fantastic and I took a bajillion pictures, all of which I will share eventually. But for right now, I'm tired, disoriented and trying to catch up on all the work I missed. I also have to move into my apartment in two or three days and I haven't finished packing so I'm stressing about that. Plus tonight my girls have their first soccer game and I have to go to Brownies right after. Basically, this is me right now..

Look for the posts later this week though cause I'm really excited to share it with all of you! It includes great food, gambling, tips and tricks, and maybe even a few drunken selfies when I lost my family in the casino. STAY TUNED!

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Inner Monologue of a First Date

It's very rare I go on dates. VERY. So when someone asks me out, I tend to say yes. Mostly because it means free stuff but also a little bit because I need to put on pants and interact with society once in awhile. Normally, I have pretty low expectations because experience has taught me that most first dates are actual torture. So when someone asked me to go out on Tuesday night, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. The following is what went through my head throughout our date. I'll let you see how it went from here.

I hate all my clothes. To the mall I go. 

Okay, $50 later but I look really cute so it's okay. 

Hmm, it's just coffee, so I'm going to make it a subtle eye shadow kind of night paired with a red lip.
Shit, this lipstick is more on the orange side but I have no time to start over, I'm late!

I got here early. What is wrong with my clocks? I'll just sit in my car and wait til he gets here. 

Is that him? I think that's him walking up to the door. I guess I'll get out of my car now. 

Do I call out to him or just awkwardly follow him inside until he notices me?

Oh he noticed me. 

He paid. Awesome. Winner. 

Where do I want to sit? Should we sit behind this shelf in case someone I know walks in? Will that be obvious? I need to be close to the door though for an escape route.

Oh okay, he's pretty cute actually. 

His humor transfers well from texting. This could go somewhere. 

Is my lipstick smearing? *awkwardly pretends to cover mouth while yawning while secretly wiping around my mouth to get rid of any potential lipstick stains*

Shit wait what did he just say? Was that a question? Why is he staring at me expectantly? I got lost in my lipstick check!

Quick say something funny!

Seriously though why does he have to be so cute? I didn't expect this date to be anything but free coffee...

Was that his leg? Did he just brush his leg against mine on purpose? Is it just because he's tall and has long legs? No that was definitely on purpose because he left it there. BE COOL. 

GOD DAMMIT I missed what he said again! 

Oh my cup is empty. I'm sucking air and ice. Did he notice me do that? I hope he didn't notice that.

Look at those dimples; those are so cute. How did I not notice that right away?

Am I even speaking English? What the fuck kind of story am I telling. STOP talking Melissa.  

Starbucks is kicking us out? What time is it? How long have we been here?

Omg he's walking me to my car. Does this mean...? BUT DO I HAVE LIPSTICK SMEARED ON MY FACE?!

He's just awkwardly staring at me. Is he going to kiss me? Is that what's about to happen? Should I step closer? 

I'm just gonna start opening my car door..

He's turning around, I guess not. 

Oh, nope he's back. 

Did you really just tell him, out loud, not in your head, to just go for it? Your life is not a movie stop trying to make things happen!


Did I pull away too quickly? Why am I always such an awkward person. STOP SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. 

Will I ever hear from him again? Should I text him thank you? 

Dating is hard. 
(PS Linking with Tracey!)

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Weekly Confession Session

CONFESSION: I never schedule my posts and I need to start because by the time I get them up it's lunch time and where has the morning gone!?

But seriously. Today is humpday confessions and it's my favorite posting day of the week because I get to share things with you and learn things on everyone else's blog so why can't I just get my shit together the night before!? Drives me insane in the membrane. Okay but anyway, I don't have a lot of juicy confessions.

I confess...

...I had a date last night and I wasn't even a little bit looking forward to it because I'm so sick of being disappointed. But I went anyway, because I never get dates, and also, free Starbucks. Guess what? It was a fantastic date. I'm really glad I went. That's all the information you're getting. BYE. 

...Is it just me or is making friends as an adult really hard? I can't make friends. It's really hard for me and I don't know how to do it and I think I just scare people off or they think I'm fucking weird or something. 

...I believe that texting kills relationships but I also am too lazy to talk on the phone most days. But seriously, if a boy were to call me to make plans instead of texting he'd totally get some. Just sayin'.

... I have that crush on that teammate of mine and it is getting so absurdly out of control. Reel in your uterus Melissa. REEL IT IN. 

... I really love being single and it's something I never thought I would say. It's really hard for me to imagine giving up my lifestyle right now and that scares me a little bit because I have a feeling if I keep going on like this I'm going to end up with 5 dogs. I can't afford 5 dogs. And my allergy to pants is getting worse. 

... My sense of self is super inflated. I need to tone it down. But every time something with a male doesn't work out, or someone doesn't want to be my friend because I suck at making friends, I'm just like WHATEVA I'M FUCKING GREAT YOUR LOSS. 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Things I Learned on Easter Weekend


+ Ukrainian food will always be the best food. Especially when it's home made. 

+ Family will always be there. And they're more fun as you get older. Built in friends!

+ April birthdays are the best birthdays because we get crowns.

+ Princess chairs will always make a one year old happy. ALWAYS. And they won't even want to leave it for ice cream.

+ Basically, I learned I'm the best auntie ever.

+ I learned that books are always a good idea (JK I already knew that). Brooklyn loved her books and she's going to be so smart. 

+ Kiwi long island iced tea is my new favorite long island iced tea.  

+ Day drinking is the best kind of drinking. Day drinking to celebrate your best friend finishing her undergrad degree is even better. CONGRATS ANDREA!

+ Four day long weekends make for a very productive Melissa. I bought everything I need for the apartment and now we just have to finish packing. 

+ Packing a suitcase for Vegas while trying to pack your entire room to move is a tough thing but I managed to do it. 

I also learned that taking a day off from blogging yesterday meant I had a lot of catching up to do. So many blogs to read and so little time! Please don't be offended if I don't comment; I promise I'm reading them, though. But between all the work I need to finish up before going to Vegas, signing my lease tonight, and going on a date after that, I'm one stressed out lady.

OH OH OH and don't forget to enter the giveaway for the Whitney Day Designer my American lovelies!

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+Must live in the US to enter 
+All entries will be verified
+You will be shipped the August 2014-July 2015 Whitney English Day Designer to your US Postal Address
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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Long Weekend Here I Come & A Giveaway!

I'm am one exhausted girl this morning. I ended up ACTUALLY packing my clothes last night. If you're my snap friend (melissasuggitt1), you would have seen the disaster zone that was my room for the last week. Moving is hard and I officially hate it. I ended up with 4, count em, 4 boxes of just clothes. Who the hell has that many clothes? I hate myself sometimes...

Anyway, after a night of Boy Meets World and packing, I had to wake up early for coaching and then I work now and then I leave the office to go work retail all night. Suffice it to say I'm a Cranky Pants right now. Thank baby j tomorrow is Good Friday. Oh wait, I guess I should REALLY thank "Baby J" cause it's his story and all that means I get the day off. WHOOP. 

Anyway, I hope you all have a marvelous long weekend and what better way to kick it off than with a giveaway!? 

Bloggers go apeshiz for planners; I know, I'm a blogger and any paper product makes my lady bits tingle. So enter below and you could win a really pretty planner from me and some other real fantastic ladies. All brought to you by The Rachael Way

a Rafflecopter giveaway
+Must live in the US to enter 
+All entries will be verified
+You will be shipped the August 2014-July 2015 Whitney English Day Designer to your US Postal Address
+This giveaway is not endorsed or sponsored by Whitney English

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Confession Time, Again

Today, I have a little help with my confessions. My main men from Workaholics are here. Mostly Adam cause he's my spirit animal. I also want to date him hard. Anyway, let's get going.

I confess...

...I wish I could just speak to people exclusively through GIFs. It would make life so much easier. There's a GIF for everything.

...I started talking to someone recently, and they began our text conversation yesterday with the following GIF before saying anything, and I think I'm in love now. 

...The way to my heart is through Workaholics quotes. Also, food.

...I'm late. But unless it's a divine conception (which isn't even a real thing either), I'm not pregnant. But I'm still freaking out. Being a girl is the worst. There is literally no way I could be yet I'm convinced I am. I've never wanted my period more in my life. 

...I had a really awful day yesterday, and then when I got to Brownies one hug changed everything. I love/hate those little monsters. Mostly love. 

...Every day I'm more and more concerned that I'm going to say this out loud to someone I see in my daily life. Except I do know why. 

...Someone has been liking all my statuses/pictures on Facebook even though we haven't spoken in weeks and he's not even in the country and he needs to gtfo or make up his mind. Right meow. 

...I get a four day weekend for Easter so yeah, shit's about to get good. 

With that, I'm out. Lunch meeting and such today. My favorite kind of meeting. All the noms. Don't forget to linkup your confessions with Kathy

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Blechity Blah Blah Blawm

Happy Tuesday folks. After what was a pretty great birthday yesterday, today is already in the crapper. I mean, you can't really top an Olaf balloon bouquet, or a playoff soccer win in sudden death overtime, or Italian food for dinner. So I had low expectations for today already. I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired and cranky, or my allergies are getting to me, or I'm just in a downright, no good mood, but today is a bag of dicks. And not in the good way. 

Venture with me on a journey through my life today... obviously via GIF form.  All of these accurately describe me right now. 

I had to be up extra early today to go coach soccer and then I have Brownies tonight but I'll be the only adult there. When I woke up and realized this, first I was all...

And then I was all...

This is my current mood: wanting to punch everyone in their throats. 

Nope. Just nope to today. I'm gonna hop on the nope train and nope right out of here. 

Anyone that tries to talk to me will probably be met with some version of this. In my head. I don't have the will to even speak right now. 

So to them they will just see this...

For the rest of the day, I will be sitting here typing and basically being Cheryl Tunt. Except it's not really coworkers that I'm referring to as idiots, more just life. Life is an idiot. And I'm surrounded by it. And lots of idiot people all day every day. Again, not my coworkers. I just happen to be at work right now. 

All in all, I don't have the capacity to deal with people or their bullshit today. I'm about one eye-roll away from my eyes shooting out of the sockets or getting stuck crossed permanently. Who really knows which is more scientifically likely?

I know Dobby, I know...

Monday, April 14, 2014

Things I Learned This Weekend


Hello all! What a weekend it was indeed. But first, have you read I'm Your Katie QuĂ©? Because if you haven't you should. She's maybe one of the funniest bloggers out there and she has this link up called "Things I Learned This Weekend" that is basically the best. Bloggers love recapping their weekends. And what better way to do it? 

So, here are the things I learned this weekend:

1. Birthday weekends are the best weekends. 

2. Friends are maybe the most important thing in the entire universe and mine are especially great because these flowers. Thanks to Kristen, Caitlin, Jon and Mat for the pretty flowers and the card!

3. Turning 24 kind of sucks because you don't even have a song to go with your age. I mean, nobody likes you when you're 23 and I'm not feeling 22 anymore so this kind of sucks. 

4. My sister is such a talented baker. She makes the prettiest cakes!

5. Chicken fingers are the best food in the entire universe.

6. Caesar Sundays at State & Main are my new go to because $4 Caesars. Need I say more?

7. Painting my nails buzzed actually makes me better at it. As in there was no nail polish covering my skin around my nails. So that's a win. 

8. Don't question my Harry Potter knowledge Tinder boys...

9. Moving is hard. And by that I mean I was supposed to pack this weekend and instead I successfully took two naps. And to take that nap, I had to curl myself into a little ball instead of doing anything with the mounds of clothes I was supposed to pack. 

So those are the things that I learned. It probably does not apply to your lives in any way. I don't really care. I just thought you should know.

I will be celebrating my birthday today by drinking lots of Caesars again and then going to soccer drunk. For our first playoff game. Because drunk soccer is the best soccer. Amirite?