Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Poop & Other Things



I confess...

...one of my biggest fears in life is that I'm going to take a poop at the office and it won't flush. And I will plug the only toilet we have. True story. 

...when another woman walks in the bathroom and I'm trying to do the dirty deed (poop), I lift the tampon garbage lid and let it slam shut and rustle toilet paper so she thinks I'm just taking care of womanly business. Because apparently it's okay for other women to know that's what I'm doing but not that I'm pooping. Being a woman is weird.

...I send poop snaps to my best friends. I can't believe I just said this out loud but to all the guys out there reading this, don't think you were the only ones. I feel like I should clarify that I send them snaps of my face while pooping. Not snaps of my actual poop.


...I think I just realized why I'm still single. 

...I hide things really well. I mean I think I'm hiding it really well. In reality my bff's know what's up but they don't call me on it, knowing that I have to come to them in my own time. I got drunk on the weekend and finally fessed up my true feelings to them and they were none too surprised. Apparently being a cold heartless bitch isn't the best defense mechanism I've ever used and they could see right through that. Emotions are stupid y'all. Ugh, feelings. And then I broke down and sent a few snaps I shouldn't have. The moment I sobered up I walled up again and pretended I was cool as a cucumber and not at all upset at the male species. And also thanked my lucky stars I didn't go through with anything.

...I'm an atheist. Cue massive loss of readership since this whole blog world seems to be Christian. I don't look down on anyone else's beliefs. You have every right to believe what you believe, but I also have every right to not believe. And the most surefire way for me to stop reading you on the reg is if all you talk about is your religion. There are other things to discuss. 

And on that heavy note I think that's a good place to stop. Please don't hate me. 


Link up your confessions with Kathy every Wednesday!

21 comments

  1. I'm glad you've never snapped me a picture of your poop.

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  2. girl, when you take a dump, own that shit. the bathroom is where there are no holds barred and no judgements are made. unless you chit chat in the bathroom, then i'll judge the hell out of you because voluntary conversations should not exist in bathrooms where poo spores are floating around.

    and i'm with you on the christian talk. all the power to you and your faith but if a blog always starts with a proverb or whatnot, i don't even bother reading the rest.

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

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  3. ummm ive been reading your blog for quite a bit now and can i just say BAHAHAH I LOVE THIS POST! I do the same thing omg . i get super angry and sigh real loud when ppl keep coming in the bathroom to pee when im trying to go.. i mean the world revolves around me right hahahahah and further more. I AGREEEEE with the very lastt hing u said. i dont follow or believe in organized religion ., i do however meditate and practice buddhism ideals, aka being positive happy and kind thats all :)

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  4. Hey Melissa!! You made my day on so many levels!! haha I love you! ;P Great post! I agree with it all! Have a fab week my dear! Keep 'em coming! xx

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  5. poop talk for the win!!!!! hehehehe

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  6. WHY HAVE YOU NEVER SENT ME POOP SNAPS.

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  7. The old "I'm changing my tampon, but not really I'm actually just trying to hide the fact I'm pooping." I am guilty of this 100%. Thought it was just me!

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  8. I'm in the middle of the religion thing. I don't claim a religion or anything like that, but I believe in a higher power of some sort. No idea what or who it is or if his son came down to earth and all that jazz... basically, I believe but I do not believe in the Bible. So I'm halfway in and halfway out, sort of. Haha.

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  9. So many great confessions! And I don't know which snaps you shouldn't have sent. They were all grrrrreat! also, poop.

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  10. My office has one bathroom, which has one toliet, and I am so scared to clog it too!!

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  11. Clogging the office toilet is a real fear! It happened to one of my guy coworkers one day and everybody laughed at me. I've feared it would happen to me ever since.

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  12. I love how honest you were right at the end! I feel you girl. I don't really believe in anything but I don't talk about it on my blog because I know how religious a LOT of the blog world is and I don't want to offend anyone.

    If I ever see a poop snap from you, I'm going to puke.

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  13. I send pictures of myself while pooping but not of my poop..., is that the same?

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  14. prepare yourself for all of the poop snaps. those are my fave!

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  15. If you have what I got you just realize that shitting is a part of life and you know everyone does it. Those that say they dont are fucking liars. you crack me up girl. If you did stop the only toilet up. Just come out and joke and laugh about it. Oh the things I would do LOL

    http://hotpinkowl02.blogspot.com/2014/03/new-faces.html

    Would love for you to join me at my hophttp://hotpinkowl02.blogspot.com/2014/03/vlog-day-2.html

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  16. Hahah! I'm laughing so hard! My friend texts me while she's pooping. So don't worry everybody poops. :p

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  17. What's a girl gotta do to get a poop snap dammit?!

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  18. LOL on the poop snaps. And I do the same thing, rusting TP & such, if another woman comes in while I'm doing my important business. Ya know, in Japan, the sound of trickling water plays in some women's restrooms when anyone is on the toilet. Wouldn't that be awesome here? Found ya via Kathy's linkup.

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  19. Oh hey, I'm also an atheist. And yes, I think massive amounts of text about the bible are my no. 1 turn off from a blog. Followed closely by "my hubby is soooo wonderful" and "Look at 5,432,643,643 photos of my baby." Vom.

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  20. bahahaha girl, you're hilarious! My sister sends me "on the pooper" snap chats all the time! I'm definitely worried about clogging up the toilet too!

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  21. Clogs are a dime a dozen. However, it would be safe to say that fecal matter would absolutely not cause a clog if there are no other gunk blocking the pipes. If you have any concerns though, you could suggest to your boss to have your toilets checked by experts.

    Monica Ryan

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