Friday, February 28, 2014

Women Drivers, amirite?

Women drivers are just the worst. I can say this. Because I am a woman, and also, because I really am the worst. Let me set the scene for you. I'm house-sitting for some friends of the family. I've been there since the first week of January. I live in one of the coldest, snowiest places on dear mother earth. I have shoveled the driveway approximately once. It has snowed approximately 25 times. Okay, go ahead and judge me. 

My father has come to snowblow the driveway a few times, but it is really up to me to keep it clear so that I don't get stuck when pulling out of the garage. 

It's Friday (today) and I load up my car with my sleeping bag and pillow and overnight bag because it's Brownie sleepover night at the Manitoba Museum! YAY! I'm so excited. I pop in my JT c.d., I'm getting ready to rock out, I'm early leaving for work, nothing can get in my way!

I pull out of the garage, I'm smiling and singing, and thwump. Oh. SHIT. I have just backed my car into the bushes against the house. The bushes are covered in snow; a lot of snow. It's a snow bank. Forward, reverse, forward, reverse. Cannot move even an inch. 

*ring ring ring* "MOM! I need you to come help me get unstuck please please please omg I'm going to be late for work." 

"Melissa, I can't I hurt my shoulder and back."

"Okay, but mom, I'll push and you steer!"

She then just laughed derisively. Like I can't push a car out or something...

"MOM seriously!"

"Call your Uncle!"

Oh right, my uncle lives on the same bay as me. So I call him.

"Siiiiigh, you know it's cold out right?"

"I'm so so sorry please?"

So then I have to wait a few minutes so what do I do? I take pictures of my dilemma like the good little blogger I am. Because while in the moment it's not funny at all, I know later on it will be. 

My uncle comes trudging through the snow like a hero and shovels me out. I pull forward after a few attempts and I'm so relieved. I yell thank you out the window, start to reverse and THUMP. RIGHT BACK INTO THE SNOWBANK. Because I'm arguably the worst driver that ever lived.

I can't even begin to describe the look on his face. I swear I deserved to be punched. He was patient. I'm sure inside he was pretty pissed. I call my mom again and try and desperately explain she needs to come get me and take me to work. My uncle, the hero again, says I can take my aunt's car to work and keep it overnight at the museum. I left my car in the snowbank, grabbed my sleepover gear, and here we are. 

So yeah. That happened. 


  1. 1. This is why I still don't have my license.

    2. Andrew was in Winnipeg yesterday. You should have called him to save you. Because that would have been awkward and made for more reading material.

    3. Dude, you're sleeping in a museum?! That's f'ing awesome!

  2. Night at the Museum: Manitoba edition! Have fun!
    Truthfully, I think you can blame part of your issue this morning on the overwhelming amount of snow.

  3. I. Am. Dying. You're something special. Good thing you're coming to KS in July because then you might really see how crappy of a driver I actually am. #CantStopWontStop at any stop signs.... #badjokes

  4. That's hilarious. That horrible sound of the tires spinning and not moving in the snowbank haunts me. Been there. Done that!

  5. HAhaha. "I swear I deserved to be punched". Yes, yes you did. :)

  6. isnt it not good and sane to drive when its that much snow.

    come join the blog hop challenge.

  7. bahahahahahaha. although i can't say anything because i brushed up against my own garage the other week and there are white marks on my bumper and my dad and brothers won't let me live it down.