Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I'm Moving To Alberta

I had a completely different post lined up for today but I did maybe the dumbest thing I've ever done yesterday and decided I needed to share it instead. I'm going to link up with Kathy and confess that I'm the worst liar ever. 

Here's the story:

I signed up for a YMCA membership back in June with Andrea because I thought that by having a friend it would motivate me to go. It worked for the summer and we went to classes and yoga and did the circuit and it was great. Cue winter. In Winnipeg, this means basically American Snowpocalypse on a daily basis, and while we're used to it and don't care, it made driving out of my way to a gym not in my area a pain in my ass and a waste of gas to be quite honest. So I stopped going. But I kept paying the monthly fee because I was thought maybe spending money will make me reconsider going. It did not. 

Fast forward to the last month and a half. Did you know that to quit the gym you actually have to go down to the gym? That's how they get you! I was a little bit ashamed to cancel my membership, still being fluffy and all and clearly still needing to work out. I kept putting it off. It was also 20 minutes out of my way. I kept paying the fee because it's the Y and that's a charitable donation so TAX RECEIPTS YEAH. 

Yesterday, I had time to kill before my Brownies meeting and decided to bite the bullet and go cancel the damn thing. So I'm nervous to say the least because I don't like looking like a failure. I walk in and this nice middle aged lady is super nice about me wanting to cancel my membership so I start to relax a little and think "okay I'm not being judged this is fine". Then it happened. 

"So, why are we cancelling today?"

PURE PANIC. 

I don't know why but my brain actually froze and I thought she was judging me and I got all clammy and didn't want to say "because I'm cheap" so instead I obviously blurted out the only rational thing you can say in that moment: "Oh, I'm moving."


Sorry. What Melissa? Way to go. But no it didn't stop there. 

"Oh, where are you moving?"

So again, the only obvious answer: "Outside the province." Because I guess I thought that was the most valid reason right?

BUT THIS LADY WOULDN'T STOP.

"That's so exciting, where outside the province?"

I'm pretty far into my lie already so I may as well go all out. So I told her I was moving to a small town in Alberta. She wished me luck in Alberta and I booked it out of there so now I can never go back to the Y ever. Because I'm mortified. Because I made up the most RIDICULOUS lie. All because I was embarrassed to be quitting the gym. 

Worst.  Liar.  Ever.




17 comments

  1. Hahah, that's so awesome. I totally would have done the same thing.

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    1. I really wish i could control what comes out of my mouth sometimes haha

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  2. Haha, I thought you were actually moving to Alberta, so I was going to give you some recommendations for places to check out in Calgary! ;) I did something similar once (the lie that gets bigger and bigger) and afterwards I couldn't stop thinking to myself, "Where did that come from, anyway?"

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  3. Haha, I've done that. When I cancelled my house insurance, they asked why I was cancelling. I was like, "Because I'm moving." TD was all, "We can insure your new home." I was all, "No, I'm moving in with my boyfriend. It's all taken care of." I felt better about it because I wasn't *technically* lying. My boyfriend and I were totally moving in together. Just, with no house/rental insurance. At all.

    Also, if my apartment burns down, I'm now screwed.

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  4. I'm impressed because it sounds like she bought it, but great gifs. PS you don't need a gym, you can do things in the lovely comfort of your own home!

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  5. this reminds me of the episode on friends where chandler wanted to quit the gym and needed moral support to quit the gym yet all he could say was I WANNA QUIT THE GYM! haahahahha. then they got tricked into BOTH signing up at the gym because of maria the lycra-covered gym treat and so they decide to go to the bank to close their accounts and when karen who handles quitters came, all he could say was: I WANNA QUIT THE BANK!

    the sad thing is that i knew all of that by heart and by sad, i mean awesome.

    now you can never show your face there again. hahahahahahahah

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

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  6. hahahah oh girl. i've done something similar before.
    sometimes our brains just quite and we turn into idiots :)

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  7. hahaha i get red and splotchy anytime i have to talk to people or make up lies. so i am super impressed, i would have word vomited an entire story though

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  8. I once lied about my address so I could get a new library card without having to pay the late fees.. Yeah, that was a low point.

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  9. Hahaha....hilarious! I had a friend who purposely tried to play the "I'm moving" card to get out of a gym membership and then the guy spent 15 minutes trying to convince her to just transfer her membership to the gym's location in her "new city"!

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  10. I had to tell my gym I was moving to Key West to get out of my contract. I had to make it up on the stop, it's so awkward.

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  11. Bahahahahahahahahahah! Last time I quit a gym (yep, been multiple times) I just flat out told the guy "because I'm lazy" when he asked. He laughed and the conversation ended right damn THERE! :)

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  12. My friend tried getting me to sign up for YMCA... after this story, I'm glad I didn't because I'd having trouble cancelling my membership too!

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  13. I don't blame you for the lie. Every time I quit memberships I always just tell them I'm too poor. Which is pretty much true, but still. The risk is that they will sometimes drop the price on you a little bit, so you have to ham it up and act like you're destitute, and tell them that the only way you're retaining your membership is if it's free.

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  14. BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

    that is all.

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