Friday, February 28, 2014

Women Drivers, amirite?

Women drivers are just the worst. I can say this. Because I am a woman, and also, because I really am the worst. Let me set the scene for you. I'm house-sitting for some friends of the family. I've been there since the first week of January. I live in one of the coldest, snowiest places on dear mother earth. I have shoveled the driveway approximately once. It has snowed approximately 25 times. Okay, go ahead and judge me. 

My father has come to snowblow the driveway a few times, but it is really up to me to keep it clear so that I don't get stuck when pulling out of the garage. 

It's Friday (today) and I load up my car with my sleeping bag and pillow and overnight bag because it's Brownie sleepover night at the Manitoba Museum! YAY! I'm so excited. I pop in my JT c.d., I'm getting ready to rock out, I'm early leaving for work, nothing can get in my way!

I pull out of the garage, I'm smiling and singing, and thwump. Oh. SHIT. I have just backed my car into the bushes against the house. The bushes are covered in snow; a lot of snow. It's a snow bank. Forward, reverse, forward, reverse. Cannot move even an inch. 

*ring ring ring* "MOM! I need you to come help me get unstuck please please please omg I'm going to be late for work." 

"Melissa, I can't I hurt my shoulder and back."

"Okay, but mom, I'll push and you steer!"

She then just laughed derisively. Like I can't push a car out or something...

"MOM seriously!"

"Call your Uncle!"

Oh right, my uncle lives on the same bay as me. So I call him.

"Siiiiigh, you know it's cold out right?"

"I'm so so sorry please?"

So then I have to wait a few minutes so what do I do? I take pictures of my dilemma like the good little blogger I am. Because while in the moment it's not funny at all, I know later on it will be. 

My uncle comes trudging through the snow like a hero and shovels me out. I pull forward after a few attempts and I'm so relieved. I yell thank you out the window, start to reverse and THUMP. RIGHT BACK INTO THE SNOWBANK. Because I'm arguably the worst driver that ever lived.

I can't even begin to describe the look on his face. I swear I deserved to be punched. He was patient. I'm sure inside he was pretty pissed. I call my mom again and try and desperately explain she needs to come get me and take me to work. My uncle, the hero again, says I can take my aunt's car to work and keep it overnight at the museum. I left my car in the snowbank, grabbed my sleepover gear, and here we are. 

So yeah. That happened. 

Thursday, February 27, 2014

The Blogmopolitan Quiz: Round Two

A while back my girl Erin did a Blogmopolitan Quiz linkup which I obviously had to participate in because it made me feel like a celebrity. She announced she was doing a second one and I swear I peed a little bit in excitement. I just love filling these out! Get in on the action here and post your answers :). 

Now go check out Round One if you haven't seen it! 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Ryan Gosling Wants Your Confessions

It's Wednesday. What does that mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! You know this, come on.....

It's Humpday Confessions with Kathy! Obviously everyone's favorite day of the week amirite? If it's not, it should be. Without further ado, here are my confessions this week.

I confess...

...I'm super cranky this morning because I'm really tired. I stayed up past my self-imposed bed time and while I'm not saying it wasn't worth it, if I don't have another coffee soon I might deem it not worth it. 

...I've been a really crappy friend lately because I've been so busy. I haven't talked to my girls as much as I would like and it's really sad and I want to fix that. Work can S my D. But not really because I love what I'm doing at work right now. 

...I have to go on TV to promote something my work is doing next week and I'm nervous. Like sweaty pits nervous. I hate being on camera. Hate it. Can't I just write the talking points on a flashcard and stand behind the camera and let someone else do it? FML. I'm really good at watching TV, not being on it. 

...Andrea has had to be bad cop for like a week straight. I love it, I appreciate it, I need it. My brick wall is up and she's knocking through it one block at a time. UGH. Feelings. 

...Stacey has been the good cop to Andrea's bad cop and they think it's hilarious. To be honest, it is. 

...I miss my dad. He's in Alabama. He goes for two weeks every month. I miss him for really selfish reasons. Like he's not around to snowblow my driveway. Or cook me things. Or just sit on the couch with me on a Sunday in silence and not speak and spend time with me when I'm lonely. 

...I've listened to the rough and sexy voice of Stevie Nicks and only Stevie Nicks for the past 3 days. I might have a problem.

...I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with ever giving up my bachelorette lifestyle. Ever. Like near or far future. I don't want to accommodate anyone new in my space. I'm the worst.


... My snapchats with Jessi are the best part of my day. Seriously, girl is hilarious. Also, apparently we're both suffering through Shark Week and she opened my eyes to the fact that there is a wine with a Zebra bleeding (probs not) on it which is just SO PERFECT. 

...I forgot how much I loved 21 Jump Street. Thank you for watching it again with me. 

...I have a really unpopular opinion among most of my family/friends right now, in regards to the Vince Li case. For those who don't know, Vince Li is the man who beheaded another passenger on a Greyhound in 2008. He was an undiagnosed schizophrenic and was found not criminally responsible. He has since been locked up in the Selkirk Mental Hospital. Recently, his doctors have requested his privileges be extended to unsupervised trips into town and no longer keeping him in the locked ward. He has shown no violent tendencies since starting medication and has done a complete 180. I believe that his doctors know best and if he is psychologically healing, then I see no problem with allowing him these privileges. I still think he should be punished for committing such a horrific act but he was not in his right mind and did not understand the consequences of his actions when he committed it. This is why I am pretty unpopular in my family right now. There is still a long way to go for mental illness to be wholly and completely understood by the general public and this proves it. Yell at me if you want now. 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Call Me Rachael Ray

I've been on a real cooking kick lately. If you go to my Pinterest you'll see a heck of a lot of recipes. Let me just tell you now I've actually tried most of them. I have found some of my new favorite meals as of late and I wanted to share my Top 5 with you all today! I have made all of these in the last two weeks or so and they've been a huge hit (granted my only audience was myself but shhh!)

I've been on a major pinning spree lately. Go follow me on Pinterest to see what else I've been up to.

Monday, February 24, 2014

So Fresh & So Clean

I'm not even going to try and lie: getting free stuff is one of my favorite things about being a blogger. Right behind all the friends I have and will continue to make. I love being able to share my favorite products with all of you! So when I was selected for the Mystery Brand Box from Influenster, I was pumped to say the least. 

One of the other reasons I love getting to try products through Influenster is that I love getting mail. Mail that isn't bills. I miss snail mail. Who wants to be pen pals!? This is not a drill, I'm totally serious. Okay going way off topic. Anyway, so the day this arrived, it was like Christmas all over again!

So I got to blind test a L'Oreal product and try and guess what it was. I used it for a couple days and immediately loved it. I thought for sure it was a higher end brand, so my guess was L'Oreal Paris. My split ends were starting to heal, my hair was beyond soft and my god the SMELL! Heaven in a bottle. At first it reminded me of Banana Medicine. You know when you're little and you're sick and the doctor gives you the most delicious banana medicine and you want to stay sick so you can have it every single day? Yeah it smelled like that. 

Shiny hair for the win!! that seriously never happens. So anyway, I was pretty convinced it was a high end product. Well shoot me in the kneecaps cause I was oh so wrong. I got an even bigger box in the mail a week later, which just made me super excited to open, and lo and behold: Garnier Fructis. Say whaaaat!? 

I used Garnier Fructis years ago and I honestly wasn't a fan and never used it again. Something has definitely changed because I have fallen in love with this product. It smells better, it doesn't make my hair greasy like it used to and it's actually fixing my damaged hair. Who would have thought? Not I. I seriously recommend the Damage Eraser line. Especially the serum for split ends. It is working like a charm. So excuse me while I go have a moment with my new shampoo...

"I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes."

Friday, February 21, 2014

Day In My Life: Typical Canadian Winter Day

My girl Tracey and I today are coming at you with a post we've had in the works for awhile. Being two Canadians in what is arguably a mostly American blogging world, we wanted to show you what a typical day in our lives is like, eh. I guarantee you there is going to be some stereotypes and I fully embrace them. I'm a proud Canuck, eh, so sit back and let me walk you through a day in my life on the Canadian Prairies.

It starts off with me checking the weather on my phone. Am I going to need extra layers today or will my heavy duty winter coat and boots be enough without throwing on the long johns?

Oh nice it's going to be a warm week! Next step is checking how much snow fell over night...

Lright, I've seen worse. At least it looks like they plowed the streets. Good thing I remembered to leave my windshield wipers in the upright position. Thank god for command start and heated seats, amirite? I grab breakfast, which sometimes is bacon dipped in maple syrup, sorry not sorry, it's effing delicious. 

The drive to work is like being a horse with blinders on. It's almost like driving in a corridor the snowbanks are normally pretty high, eh. 

Once I get to work it's time to turn on the space heater and drink 1 of 10 Tim Hortons coffees I'll have throughout the day. It's Roll Up The Rim again so I need to up my chances to win, therefore, more coffee. 

Lunch time usually calls for a bowl of soup while streaming some sort of Hockey game or highlights. I'm a pretty big Jets fan but lately it's been Olympic hockey. Oh yeah, guess what, WE WON GOLD YESTERDAY. Bet that felt good to watch our women dominate you, huh U.S.A.?

I come home after work to a delicious meal. Here's my favorite. NO JOKE. Poutine is my boyfriend. 

Then I basically just curl up in front of the fire with a good book, inside my igloo, with my pet polar bear. Okay that's a lie, but god I want a pet polar bear pretty bad. But I really do tend to curl up in front of the fireplace with a good book. That part was true and an actual part of my day. 

This is a typical day for me approximately 8 months out of the year. Glad I could share it with you, eh. Please note that I exaggerated some things, but for the most part, sadly, this is all true. Except for the igloo, those are only recreational. 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I'm Moving To Alberta

I had a completely different post lined up for today but I did maybe the dumbest thing I've ever done yesterday and decided I needed to share it instead. I'm going to link up with Kathy and confess that I'm the worst liar ever. 

Here's the story:

I signed up for a YMCA membership back in June with Andrea because I thought that by having a friend it would motivate me to go. It worked for the summer and we went to classes and yoga and did the circuit and it was great. Cue winter. In Winnipeg, this means basically American Snowpocalypse on a daily basis, and while we're used to it and don't care, it made driving out of my way to a gym not in my area a pain in my ass and a waste of gas to be quite honest. So I stopped going. But I kept paying the monthly fee because I was thought maybe spending money will make me reconsider going. It did not. 

Fast forward to the last month and a half. Did you know that to quit the gym you actually have to go down to the gym? That's how they get you! I was a little bit ashamed to cancel my membership, still being fluffy and all and clearly still needing to work out. I kept putting it off. It was also 20 minutes out of my way. I kept paying the fee because it's the Y and that's a charitable donation so TAX RECEIPTS YEAH. 

Yesterday, I had time to kill before my Brownies meeting and decided to bite the bullet and go cancel the damn thing. So I'm nervous to say the least because I don't like looking like a failure. I walk in and this nice middle aged lady is super nice about me wanting to cancel my membership so I start to relax a little and think "okay I'm not being judged this is fine". Then it happened. 

"So, why are we cancelling today?"


I don't know why but my brain actually froze and I thought she was judging me and I got all clammy and didn't want to say "because I'm cheap" so instead I obviously blurted out the only rational thing you can say in that moment: "Oh, I'm moving."

Sorry. What Melissa? Way to go. But no it didn't stop there. 

"Oh, where are you moving?"

So again, the only obvious answer: "Outside the province." Because I guess I thought that was the most valid reason right?


"That's so exciting, where outside the province?"

I'm pretty far into my lie already so I may as well go all out. So I told her I was moving to a small town in Alberta. She wished me luck in Alberta and I booked it out of there so now I can never go back to the Y ever. Because I'm mortified. Because I made up the most RIDICULOUS lie. All because I was embarrassed to be quitting the gym. 

Worst.  Liar.  Ever.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Meat Shoulders & Friends

I'm going to link up with Rachael a day late because yesterday was Louis Riel day in Manitoba. Which meant it was a long weekend. Which meant I was a lazy dragon all day. And I had zero interest in logging onto the internet except to Netflix it up. So, let's keep it Riel here and recap my wondrous weekend (is wondrous even a real word?). 

Valentine's Day was spent with my girls and it was maybe my favorite V-day to date. McDonald's and milkshakes and wine and the Olympics. I lucked out in life and got some pretty great friends. Friends who ditched their boyfriend to be with me cause I'm more important (BOOM take that Trav). 

Saturday we went to a social and for those of you who don't live in Manitoba a social is basically where you rent a community hall and have alcohol and prizes and sell tickets and your friends and family pay to come and you make money. Usually for your wedding. Yes we are that cheap here that we basically have a fundraiser for our weddings. Social food is maybe the best food in the world because it's cold cuts, cheese and pickles. And rye bread and mustard so you drunkenly make sandwiches. How amazing is that?? I get so excited I can't even make it back into the gym to eat it. I have to sit down and nom away. 

A tradition we have (we being my circle) that involves the cold cuts is meat shouldering. As in you put a piece of ham or salami on someone's shoulder without them noticing and then laugh until they do. 

Sunday I actually ventured out past 10 pm to go watch my friends play hockey and it was maybe the first time ever that I've gone out past 8:30 on a Sunday. Jaws were dropping all over the city. Classic duckface. 

Monday was sleep in day because it was a long weekend and I get those days off because yay having a real job in an office. I went home to my parents to meet up with my sister and neighbors to go to a Lebanese bakery for lunch and then we drove all the way there and it was closed and I wanted to cry because I wanted a Donair :(. We settled for The Burger Factory and I may have over committed to my lunch. 

I also got to see my little neighbor friends when I went home Monday and I was so happy. These little girls are hilarious and adorable and in the summer used to stand outside my house calling my name until I came outside to play. But now I don't live at home and they missed me. So we played in the snow for a bit. And because my yard has more snow than theirs I gave them permission to play in my yard so SORRY MOM! I just want to point out that the snow they are playing on comes up to my shoulders. Canadian Winters for the win. 

Last but not least Rrrroll Up The Rim is back at Tim Horton's so basically there goes my whole paycheck. May the odds be ever in my favor. If I don't win this year I'm probably going to lose it. One free coffee, that's all I fricken ask! I'm already 0-4 so it's not looking good for me so far. 

That's all I have for today. Sorry it wasn't that interesting. On a maybe interesting note I did go on a date maybe this weekend. And it maybe went well. And he's maybe kind of cute. But that's all just a maybe. K BYE. 

The Rachael Way

Friday, February 14, 2014

Galentine's Q&A with Melissa & Fallon

The day we've all been waiting for is finally here: FRIDAY! Yay. It's a long weekend as well so you could say I'm pretty pumped. Pumped to spend the whole weekend watching season 2 of House of Cards. Best Valentine's EVER. Anyway, all week, you ladies have been asking questions for Fal & I, and below we have answered them. We couldn't figure out a way to record our Google hangout so we did two separate videos. 

So without further ado, welcome to the Galentine's Q&A!

I Hate Dating Post

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Worst Dates & Size Matters

Day 4 and we're talking about small wieners. Seriously Kathy, you are too much sometimes. I cannot believe you are a mother. I love you for sharing this. 

I was going to discuss my worst experiences. That time I was licked from chin to ear. Literally, like a dog. That time I went on a date and he turned out to be gay. That time I went on a date and it went well until I spilled my Caesar and probably embarrassed him and never heard from him again. The time I made out with my bff's little brother's bff. And never lived it down. That time where I went on a date last weekend and kept telling him "I could be crazy you know". #StrangerDanger and let my friends spy on our date in case he turned out to be a murderer. I'll let you figure out how that one worked out for me. And he was really great too...

Anyway, Kathy's story is just too funny and ridiculous and it needs to be shared. So... I hope you aren't offended too easily (sorry mom). Here we go!


I was reading some funny dating mishap stories on the internet so at my expense, I thought I'd embarrass myself by sharing a story that happened many moons ago.

Back in my heyday, I dated a guy whom we'll call john because that was his real name.  he was nice and treated me well.  there were certain things about him that I shouldn't have overlooked but I was young and didn't acquire my jedi master dating skillz until much later.  I drew some crappy pictures to illustrate the story, but first, some history. 

I've always had dating deal-breakers; you know, those certain things about a person that changes your opinion of them and completely turns you off; basically killing whatever potential said relationship had.  i wasn't Jerry Seinfeld picky but I had my own set of preferences - no bad kissers, no chewbaccas, no shorty mcshorties, no dainty feet that could fit into my shoes, no virgins and no small wieners.  yes, I was that shallow in that I could not pursue a relationship if the guy was wielding a tootsie roll in his pants. don't judge. and because this is a funny story, I'm sure you can surmise where this tale going. 

back to john.  the initial stages of a relationship are always the most exciting and I didn't want to whore out by moving too fast so the clothes stayed on.  there are many ways to assess the situation "Down There" without directly touching anything and I pulled out all the stops to try and figure out what I was dealing with. the most surprising thing?  I felt nothing.  nada. zip. while the warning bells were going off in the back of my mind, I thought that maybe he was nervous so i ignored my bruised ego and chalked it up to initial jitters.


the next date was pretty much the same with confusion building in my mind instead of him building something in his pants.  what the fuck was going on here?  does he have that much self control?  is it me? is it him? what? WHATGODDAMMITWHAT?!?  but like the stupid little girl I was, I ignored it and continued on, giving him just one.more.chance before I ended it. there was no way I was going to sacrifice my self-confidence for someone who felt nothing for me. 


I went on our next date with a heavy heart and the sahari desert in my pants when things started looking up because lo' and behold, something bumped up against my hip - something substantial. I think I mentally high-fived myself; my ego was restored, all was right with the world and I was a sexy beast once again.

but my joy  was short-lived because John was behaving strangely; it was as if he wasn't comfortable with something because he fidgeted and squirmed so much that he stopped all the goodness and stood up.  I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story.






Honestly, I'll admit it. Size matters to me. It does. There we go I said it. I know a lot of people say it's not the size of the vessel but the motion of the ocean but no. No thank you. I can't. And clearly Kathy agrees. 

Do you think size matters? Any funny/horrible dating stories? I'd love to hear it!