Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Lying Game

I lie to myself a lot. Like... A LOT. I don't know why I do it. I don't know why I try and live in denial for 2/3 of my life but it's a thing I do.

No I don't like him.

I hate beards. 

I'll go to the gym tomorrow. 

I'll only eat one oreo. 

He's not my type. 

I'm totally happy. 

No, really, I'm fine. 

I'm over it. 

Seriously, I don't like him. 

I can totally write a novel in a month.

yes Madame LaLaurie, they are.

See? That's a butt ton of lies up there that I've told myself in the last TWELVE hours. Imagine how many lies I tell myself on a weekly basis. I don't know how to kick this habit. Why can't I just admit something when I feel it or know it?

The worst is I project these lies onto everyone else. Andrea is constantly in a state of confusion about how I feel because I tend to tell her one thing during my lying to myself phase, and then I tell a completely different thing when I call her a week later when I finally decide to admit to something. It happened this weekend and she actually used the phrase: "You're such a fricken enigma to me, why did you even say that in the first place?!"

For that my girl, I'm so terribly sorry.

Why can't I admit to myself when I'm unhappy? Why do I let it build up until I have a fricken mental breakdown instead of acknowledging it right when it hits and dealing with it then?

Why do I have to lie to myself about who I'm attracted to? WHY!? It makes zero sense. What's the point? Maybe I just like lying so I can live in my little fantasy world where everything is under my control and I can pretend to have a handle on things (I am might be a control freak).

Why did I seriously think I could succeed with my NaNoWriMo goals?

Questions I may never be able to answer my friends. But I do promise not to lie on this blog. That's one thing I've known to be true from the start. This is my space to be honest and open. Even if I'm not IRL most of the time.

What lies do you tell yourself?


  1. It sounds like you lie to yourself because you don't want to get hurt. But, at the end of the day, the fact that you lied to yourself about it, instead of being honest, hurts you more. It's a vicious cycle. I've been there. You'll get to a day where you won't lie to yourself anymore. :)

  2. I lie to myself about ALL THE THINGS. I hate it! Why do I think I'm a magical unicorn superwoman? IDK!

  3. That I won't eat Chipotle more than once a week. I fail every single week.

  4. I feel like I've already read this...oh wait... :)

    Ps. We all know we can't just have one Oreo.

    › xo fal •

  5. just give in about not loving beards. they can be pretty legit.

  6. A cookie doesn't have calories if no one sees you eating it.



  7. I lie to myself about my feelings towards something or someone. I try not to fall fast. but I do. and it bites me in the booty