Tuesday, September 24, 2013

When Is It "Official"?

Day two of Relationship Week! If you missed yesterday's post you can read it here, which I highly recommend if you're not sure whether you're actually dating a person or not.

Today I want to discuss when a relationship becomes "official". You know... when you're actually boyfriend/girlfriend and no longer floating through the dating limbo that is the unknown. The labels. When does that happen? How does that happen?

There's some general opinion that it's when you have "the talk", when they start introducing you to family, when they start introducing you to friends as their "boyfriend/girlfriend", when it become Facebook official (puke), etc. etc. I've had a lot of one or two boyfriends in the past few years and it's never been concrete. Once it was made official after a drunken night in a bar of me introducing him as "my friend" and he wasn't too happy so he yelled that he wanted me to be his girlfriend (guess how long that one lasted). The most recent being I said I would be okay being exclusive but he wasn't listening (of course) and a month later I introduced him as my boyfriend and he went "Really? Okay". (Boys...)

Guess what? Every relationship is different. It's going to vary based on how fast or slow you take things and the comfort level of the other person in the relationship. Some people need the validation of hearing someone ask them to be exclusive, others just go with the flow and let things take shape on its own and it's just inherently known that you're not seeing other people.

Personally I need the words. I need the validation. I need to hear you say you want to be with me. I don't like subtle hints. So for me, I prefer the "what are we" talk. However, I also prefer not to have that talk until months into a relationship because I may or may not have some slight commitment issues. But that is a whole other story for another day.

But I can tell you one thing: if you're still using Facebook to validate your relationship status with someone, it might be time to rethink who you're dating. Or your expectations... Welcome to adulthood.

What rule do you follow to make things official? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

1 comment

  1. I am with you on following "the talk" rule. Too many times i have fallen victim to the "you weren't/aren't my girlfriend" line when a guy i was seeing was caught "seeing" another girl...

    Meeting family/friend rule doesnt always work IMO because the guy might just want a date for a wedding, or might live at home and has no choice but to introduce you if you are hanging out...