Monday, September 9, 2013

Call Me Gilderoy, Hermione Must Have Obliviated My Memory

Somebody call the wahmbulance because I am one cranky mutha today.

Moving on.

So Friday definitely reinforced the fact that I seriously suck at dating.

I had a first date with John (not his real name). I don't think I've ever been less myself in the history of ever. Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't shut up. I talk a lot. It's a thing I do. Well, I'm on a date with this guy, which I had already assumed would be bad before it started because I have a horrible track record with dates, but he's actually great. What does that mean? That means that I immediately start to palm sweat. Strike one for Melissa.

We're sitting there, he's talking and I'm basically trying to remember how to breathe and be a normal person. I can't make eye contact and I'm giggling. Uhm WHAT?! Who am I? I've never acted like this in my life. So I start to rack my brain to think of something, anything to say. Nothing. Blank. NADA. I'm assuming Hermione was sitting in a corner performing the Obliviate charm because that's the only valid explanation for this. Strike two for Melissa.

Eventually John decides to end the date (of course) and we walk back to our cars. I go in for the hug and then double patted his back and scurried back to my car. Strike three for Melissa.

 Safe to say I have not heard from him since. He probably thinks I'm a mute. Who likes to gingerly pat people's backs like a grandma.

The rest of my weekend was uneventful. It was full of too many Jello-shots and two bottles of wine to drown my embarrassment. 

I seriously hope everyone had a better weekend than I did. 

Sami's Shenanigans

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