Friday, August 9, 2013

Hi, I'm Melissa and I'm socially awkward...

I shouldn't be around other human beings the majority of the time. It's as though I have completely forgotten how to interact with men people sometimes. I should basically be an alien. I have come to realize I have no idea how to date. It's the 21st century and I don't know how to date.

If you don't believe me here's the story. I met this guy online (SO WEIRD I KNOW). (To be fair we have a mutual friend on Facebook which is sort of how this started *ahem* Tinder *cough* so I don't think it's quite as bad.) Anyway, we're texting it up and I'm thinking hey this isn't so bad. Then the dreaded exchange of pictures begins. He's all "Oh hey this is my car" "Look I have a beard" "Here's me and my dog". About 90% of the pictures he was dressed quite nicely. So it's my turn. Oh hey here's ME DRESSED AS A PARROT. 

WHY!? I'm not even a sexy parrot. I'm actually a huge DIY mess. When I told my friends I sent that picture and I thought it was funny this was basically their reaction:

Then they said to send a real picture and maybe try being a real girl for once. I had to agree. 

But that wasn't the end of the parrot...

Actual text conversation with said guy I was trying to flirt with:
Him: We should go on a picnic. What if I filled the basket with stuff like a treasure chest?
Me: Should I wear my beak?
Him: Sure...

So basically I'm just going to go buy some cats and settle in for the single girl life. Because I'm clearly super awkward. Oh and also copious amounts of wine. Maybe it will make me better in future social situations. 

On another note, I also don't know how to be dumped either. Apparently making a joke midway through a break up is not appropriate. 

Me: "Don't worry I won't go crazy and stalk you or anything" *through massive tears*
Him: uhm............ what?


  1. For the record- you are not alone! Even reading this, i would have probably send the bird picture as well, shows you have a sense of humor.. what guy wouldn't like that?

    Also- there is nothing wrong with online dating. It is a great tool for people who cannot/do not have the time to go out with new people and/or those who do not want to meet someone a the bar, or who want to get out of dating their "friends circle, or friend of friends"- that adds drama!

  2. I'm glad I'm not alone! I know online dating isn't too big of an issue - it's worked well for lots of my friends. I just haven't gotten comfortable with it yet. One day!